A Very Long Trip
by Forever-Luke
Summary: Mara Jade has been assigned to a mission to rescue Luke Skywalker from Kessel, but she is teamed up with a man that doesn't know the meaning of 'enough'. Will she go insane or will she just shoot him. AU. OOC. Humor. MARA. WES. UNFINISHED


This is a story for those who have a silly sense of humour.

Disclaimer: We own nothing.

A Very Long Trip

Part One

By

TheStormrider, Forever-Luke and The X-Filer

**Trotski:** ATTENTION! MARA JADE REPORT FOR DUTY! This is Commander Trotski.

**Mara:** Yes?

**Trotski:** You have a new mission. Go to the Kessel spice mines and retrieve a man call Skywalker do you understand?

**Mara:** Yes Sir! May I ask why?

**Trotski:** He is wanted by the Hutts for treason on 7 accounts, including failure to dance for them.

**Mara:** Failure to dance.

**Trotski:** Yes failure to dance, they wanted the Cha Cha, but he did the dreaded belly dance.

**Mara:** _(winces)_ Ouch. Why are we involved?

**Trotski:** Last week, we intercepted a distress call from the Huttese dancing girls who says he went undercover, but was discovered.

**Mara:** So we have to get his butt out of prison?

**Trotski:** Yes, so the Hutts can't get to him first, we hear he's a hell of a dancer.

**Mara:** Of course Sir. Who is on my team?

**Trotski:** There's You, Yourself and the six-year old mind of Wes Janson.

**Mara:** Oh great, Janson.

**Trotski:** That for your failure at Corellia, enjoy.

**Mara:** Thank you so much Sir, where is Janson?

**Trotski:** He's on his way now, ah, here he is.

**Wes:** Hey there hot stuff!

**Mara:** Hello Janson.

**Wes:** So are you going to bit my head off this time?

**Mara:** Depends... are you going to blow up my ship, again.

**Wes:** Maybe, depends on whether I use all of the dynamite on the imps.

**Mara:** Keep your head in Janson.

**Wes:** But I like it when you bite.

**Mara:** Down boy.

**Trotski:** This is what Luke sings when dancing (Bring it on style)

I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm belly dancing Luke,

I've got blonde hair the Hutts all like to stare,

To save my life, I have to dance all night.

**Mara:** Stop! I can't take any more.

**Wes:** Let's leave him there, that's worse then Hobbie's singing and dancing.

**Mara:** Yeah, but his sister would kill us.

**Wes:** Only if she catches us.

**Mara:** Get your gear Janson and meet me at the ship.

**Wes:** Damn!

**Mara:** Maybe you should give him dance lessons.

**Wes:** I only dance good when I'm drunk.

**Mara:** Exactly. When aren't you drunk?

**Wes:** Now.

**Mara:** Stranger things have happened.

**Wes:** Have you ever seen Hobbie dance?

**Mara:** Yeah it's scary.

**Wes:** Really, really scary, do you think the Hutts will get Luke first if we stall.

**Mara:** Yeah they will.

**Wes:** You want to stall.

**Mara:** No.

**Wes:** Oh... you like belly dancing Luke?

**Mara:** I like getting my job done so I can get off the bosses shit list

**Wes:** That's a lie! You like belly dancing Luke. I gotta tell Hobbie.

**Mara:** Shut up Janson or I'll have you scrubbing garbage cans for a month.

**Wes:** So it's true, it's true, oh the bribes, oh the wealth I can get out of you two. Where's my com, I gotta tell Hobbie.

**Mara:** You even try and I'll have you assigned with Narra.

**Wes:** He died years ago. Hey Hobbie you there?

**Mara:** I mean the other one, the one that smells really bad.

**Wes:** I'm on the com Jade, what was that Hobbie? You'll never guest what I found out.

_(she grabs the com and throws it out an open window)_

**Wes:** MARA JADE! I was talking to Hobbie! Now he'll think I don't love him.

**Mara:** Get your butt down to the ship now!

**Wes:** And if I refuse?

**Mara:** _(she grins evilly)_ You don't want to know

**Wes:** _(He smiles back)_ oh I do.

**Mara:** You'll be flying a cargo ship full of rancor dung for the rest of your life.

**Wes:** Do I get a peg?

**Mara:** No!

**Wes:** But they're cheap, you can afford a peg.

**Mara:** Move it or lose it!

**Wes:** _(Sigh)_ Fine. _(grumble grumble grumble)_ women.

**Mara:** I heard that!

**Wes:** #!

_(She raises an eyebrow as they walk down the corridor to the lifts)_

_Wes_ _thinking:_ She doesn't know that language! Yes, I can call her whatever I like!)

**Wes:** You know Mara, you look like a &$.

**Mara:** Try calling me that again and I'll flush you out an airlock without a suit.

**Wes:** Temper, temper.

**Mara:** Quiet

**Wes:** So where are we going again?

**Mara:** Kessel

**Wes:** That's right, are you going to be the undercover prisoner or me

**Mara:** You are.

**Wes:** Well don't beat me to hard, I've got soft skin, it could crack.

_(they walk out of the lift and toward a beat up looking freighter)_

**Wes:** That's your ship! It looks worse then Solos.

**Mara:** It's not my ship.

**Wes:** I'm not going in that.

**Mara:** Move it.

**Wes:** It could fall apart, bolt from nut.

**Mara:** Get in Janson, we're late.

**Wes:** If that is the cast, then maybe you should com ahead and see if Luke is still there.

**Mara:** _(hands him a data disk)_ Latest intel Janson, he's still there.

**Wes:** Smart ass!

**Mara:** _(she climbs on board the ship and sits in the pilots seat)_

**Wes:** _(he climbs in and sits in co-pilot seat) _Why are you pilot? I'm the expert here!

**Mara:** I'm the senior officer. _(she starts the ship up and they take off smoothly)_

**Wes:** _(then a bang came from one engine. he snorts with amusement)_ Smoothly huh?!!

**Mara:** you wanna spend this trip in a cargo box?

**Wes:** Will you be in there with me?

**Mara:** No.

**Wes:** Then no, I'm fine here.

**Mara:** So shut up and input the nav co-ordinates.

**Wes:** _(types in numbers)_ Good to go.

**Wes:** Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

**Mara:** Janson.

**Wes:** Yes?

**Mara:** _(gags him)_

**Wes:** _(glares at her viscously)_

**Mara:** I warned you to behave. _(they enter lightspeed)_

**Wes:** _(pulls off gag)_ You're mean, you know that.

**Mara:** _(grins)_ Yes I do.

**Wes:** You want to get to know me more?

**Mara:** No, you're on first watch.

**Wes:** Women! _(sigh)_

**Mara:** _(she stands and moves to the passenger hold)_

**Wes:** _(he looks at the stars as they speed by (sigh) his eyelids start to drop)_

**Wes:** snoooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee

_(the comm beeps)_

**Wes:** What!?

**Mara:** Janson! Stay awake.

**Wes:** I am, I am

**Mara:** Bullshit!

**Wes:** Don't swear! It's not lady like, thought I wouldn't call you a lady.

**Mara:** Just keep watch.

**Wes:** Okay! _(mutters)_ Women! _(looks at the stars again, eyelids start to drop)_ Wake up Janson! Keep yourself awake!

_( she_ _lays back on her bunk and catches some zzzzzzzs)_

_(hours later the ship shakes violently)_

**Mara:** _(wakes up)_ Janson! What the hell was that!

**Wes:** What?!?!

**Mara:** _(she enters the flight deck)_ The ship just shook!

**Wes:** Oh sith spit!

**Mara:** _(she runs back to the engine bay)_ Shit! _(she calls into the com)_ Disengage the hyperdrive!

**Wes:** Which one is the button!

**Mara:** The red one you idiot! _(the ship shudders again and she falls into the mech pit and hits her head, she goes limp)_

**Wes:** Oh I've got it! _(hits button and the engines shuts down)_ okay Mara, all yours!

Mara?

Talk to me?

Sith spit!

_(Jumps out of chair and run to the engine room and sees blood)_

Mara?!

_(climbs slowly down into pit) _

Mara are you dead? Damn!

_(shes breathing, her body is caught under a piece of fallen machinery, she makes a noise)_

**Wes:** YOU'RE ALIVE! _(pulls the machinery off of her)_ you okay?

**Mara:** _(she opens her eyes)_

TBC

Let us know what you thought.


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